Constructing a Story from A to Z – Z is for Zoom

We have reached the end. ALPHABLOCK had a lot of choices for Z, many traditional children’s book choices were audaciously ignored in favor stating “Z is for Zoom!” This is lots of fun when reading to a toddler, but I felt it left me in an awkward position to close up our month long story. Here it is:

“Mommy goes zoom!” Dani cried with glee as we arrived at Alexander’s car and stole back my daughter’s elephant-dog.

Here’s our story’s COMPLETED first draft:

I saw an apple to my left and I wondered if Snow White could taste the danger in her fateful bite. The balloons that surrounded the entrance and the table of the carnival did nothing to relieve my feelings of other-worldliness. I carried my tray of cookies to the PTA’s donor table and tried to escape before Mrs. Jameson could spot me.

“No bye-bye dog!” my daughter cried.

“Dog is an elephant, baby,” I said, unable to ignore this teachable moment.Dani was only two years old and still had issues with the animal kingdom – frogs were fish, birds were “eh-planes,” cats were bears, and her beloved Dumbo stuffed animal was, of course, a dog. She let go of my hand and ran, screaming, toward the “garden of fears” assembled by the high school theater group. I felt the heartbeat hammer of panic as she disappeared through crowds of distracted teens. I plowed through after her feeling the cold shock of an ice cream shake bursting out of the its flimsy carnival cup, showering its owner and me. At once I was a frantic juggler palming the straw and lid, paper cup, gobs of chilly chocolate goo, and insincere apologies to the poor girl who I just trashed. A kite came out of the sky onto my head. I smelled the lemonade before it hit me. The moon-pie was the final straw.

I burst free of the crowd – a manic mother bird whose chick had fallen from her nest. I stretched out my mother’s intuition in all directions, like a mystical octopus with tentacles of Dani-sense probing the crowd-sea around me. I reached a clearing , saw a volunteer with an orange vest and a pencil in hand kneeling down beside a sobbing Dani. As I looked at her Snow White shirt with the evil queen clutching the bewitched apple, I wondered why I thought that was an appropriate outfit for my child. I rushed to her side, gathered her in an enormous embrace covering her with the rainbow of rubbish that covered my clothing. I felt icy scissors of rejection when she pulled away crying, “No mommy.” Then, pulling away again, she said, “Dog on train.”

The volunteer bent over helping me keep a hold on her, embarrassingly exposing his underwear and more butt crack than I was comfortable being exposed to. I heard a strange violin tune blare from the carousel to the right and caught a glimpse of the train just beyond it. In the front car was Alexander, my neighbor’s kid, always trapping Dani’s toys in his web of mischievous torture. I knew an x-ray vision of the scene would expose Dani’s Dumbo in the seat next to him. I grabbed Dani, ran past the carousel, the tiny yachts controlled by remote steering wheels, and past the line for the train.

“Mommy goes zoom!” Dani cried with glee as we arrived at Alexander’s car and stole back my daughter’s elephant-dog.


If you are new to this blog, or finding this post disjointed from the rest of the challenge I have taken on this month, you may be (understandably) curious about what the heck I am doing here. The explanation of the challenge and the prompt I am using can be found in my theme reveal post. Check it out, and follow the links in that post to visit some other fascinating blogs that have taken on this month’s a to z challenge!


COMMENTS/QUESTIONS:

I welcome all kinds of constructive critique! Please keep in mind this is a first draft, so I’m looking for input as I will be jumping into edits and rewrites as soon as the month is through. If you want to wait until the end of the month to see the whole story before critiquing, that’s fine too.

The first draft is complete! This leaves me with a number of questions for you as we enter into next month’s work:

  1. What do you think of the story as whole?
  2. If you were given veto power to eliminate one sentence of your choice, which would you pick? Would you get rid of it completely or want a rewrite?
  3. Any thoughts about a title for this story as it is right now?
  4. Does this story feel complete to you as is? If not, do you need more story before or after this scene?

Constructing a Story from A to Z – Y is for Yachts

It was with this letter that I nearly flung ALPHABLOCK across the room. Y is for Yachts? Really? Not only was this annoying in terms of my story here, but the first time I went through this book with my son I thought, When is he ever going to see a yacht in his life? What kind of family does this author think he is writing to? In the end, I decided to be optimistic – maybe exposing my son to yachts at such a young age will encourage him to work toward owning one of his own one day!

As for where these yachts could be found in my carnival… well…

I grabbed Dani, ran past the carousel, the tiny yachts controlled by remote steering wheels, and past the line for the train.

Here’s our story (*under construction*) so far:

I saw an apple to my left and I wondered if Snow White could taste the danger in her fateful bite. The balloons that surrounded the entrance and the table of the carnival did nothing to relieve my feelings of other-worldliness. I carried my tray of cookies to the PTA’s donor table and tried to escape before Mrs. Jameson could spot me.

“No bye-bye dog!” my daughter cried.

“Dog is an elephant, baby,” I said, unable to ignore this teachable moment.Dani was only two years old and still had issues with the animal kingdom – frogs were fish, birds were “eh-planes,” cats were bears, and her beloved Dumbo stuffed animal was, of course, a dog. She let go of my hand and ran, screaming, toward the “garden of fears” assembled by the high school theater group. I felt the heartbeat hammer of panic as she disappeared through crowds of distracted teens. I plowed through after her feeling the cold shock of an ice cream shake bursting out of the its flimsy carnival cup, showering its owner and me. At once I was a frantic juggler palming the straw and lid, paper cup, gobs of chilly chocolate goo, and insincere apologies to the poor girl who I just trashed. A kite came out of the sky onto my head. I smelled the lemonade before it hit me. The moon-pie was the final straw.

I burst free of the crowd – a manic mother bird whose chick had fallen from her nest. I stretched out my mother’s intuition in all directions, like a mystical octopus with tentacles of Dani-sense probing the crowd-sea around me. I reached a clearing , saw a volunteer with an orange vest and a pencil in hand kneeling down beside a sobbing Dani. As I looked at her Snow White shirt with the evil queen clutching the bewitched apple, I wondered why I thought that was an appropriate outfit for my child. I rushed to her side, gathered her in an enormous embrace covering her with the rainbow of rubbish that covered my clothing. I felt icy scissors of rejection when she pulled away crying, “No mommy.” Then, pulling away again, she said, “Dog on train.”

The volunteer bent over helping me keep a hold on her, embarrassingly exposing his underwear and more butt crack than I was comfortable being exposed to. I heard a strange violin tune blare from the carousel to the right and caught a glimpse of the train just beyond it. In the front car was Alexander, my neighbor’s kid, always trapping Dani’s toys in his web of mischievous torture. I knew an x-ray vision of the scene would expose Dani’s Dumbo in the seat next to him. I grabbed Dani, ran past the carousel, the tiny yachts controlled by remote steering wheels, and past the line for the train.


If you are new to this blog, or finding this post disjointed from the rest of the challenge I have taken on this month, you may be (understandably) curious about what the heck I am doing here. The explanation of the challenge and the prompt I am using can be found in my theme reveal post. Check it out, and follow the links in that post to visit some other fascinating blogs that have taken on this month’s a to z challenge!


COMMENTS/QUESTIONS:

I welcome all kinds of constructive critique! Please keep in mind this is a first draft, so I’m looking for input as I will be jumping into edits and rewrites as soon as the month is through. If you want to wait until the end of the month to see the whole story before critiquing, that’s fine too.

Two questions for you today!

  1. Carnival experts – are those little boats actually yachts, or are they some other kind of boat? I have vague memories of them, but can’t place the actual type of boat in my mind’s eye.
  2. “Past” versus “passed – did I use the right one? I know one of my writing group buddies explained this to me in the past, but I completely forgot and I feel like I made the wrong decision in this sentence!

Constructing a Story from A to Z – X is for X-Ray

I can’t say that ALPHABLOCK was all that original with the whole “X is for X-ray” bit, but, honestly, what are the choices? Though a xylophone may have been a better fit for this story of a mom and her daughter, the x-ray will have to do. Here’s today’s sentence:

I knew an x-ray vision of the scene would expose Dani’s Dumbo in the seat next to him.

Here’s our story (*under construction*) so far:

I saw an apple to my left and I wondered if Snow White could taste the danger in her fateful bite. The balloons that surrounded the entrance and the table of the carnival did nothing to relieve my feelings of other-worldliness. I carried my tray of cookies to the PTA’s donor table and tried to escape before Mrs. Jameson could spot me.

“No bye-bye dog!” my daughter cried.

“Dog is an elephant, baby,” I said, unable to ignore this teachable moment.Dani was only two years old and still had issues with the animal kingdom – frogs were fish, birds were “eh-planes,” cats were bears, and her beloved Dumbo stuffed animal was, of course, a dog. She let go of my hand and ran, screaming, toward the “garden of fears” assembled by the high school theater group. I felt the heartbeat hammer of panic as she disappeared through crowds of distracted teens. I plowed through after her feeling the cold shock of an ice cream shake bursting out of the its flimsy carnival cup, showering its owner and me. At once I was a frantic juggler palming the straw and lid, paper cup, gobs of chilly chocolate goo, and insincere apologies to the poor girl who I just trashed. A kite came out of the sky onto my head. I smelled the lemonade before it hit me. The moon-pie was the final straw.

I burst free of the crowd – a manic mother bird whose chick had fallen from her nest. I stretched out my mother’s intuition in all directions, like a mystical octopus with tentacles of Dani-sense probing the crowd-sea around me. I reached a clearing , saw a volunteer with an orange vest and a pencil in hand kneeling down beside a sobbing Dani. As I looked at her Snow White shirt with the evil queen clutching the bewitched apple, I wondered why I thought that was an appropriate outfit for my child. I rushed to her side, gathered her in an enormous embrace covering her with the rainbow of rubbish that covered my clothing. I felt icy scissors of rejection when she pulled away crying, “No mommy.” Then, pulling away again, she said, “Dog on train.”

The volunteer bent over helping me keep a hold on her, embarrassingly exposing his underwear and more butt crack than I was comfortable being exposed to. I heard a strange violin tune blare from the carousel to the right and caught a glimpse of the train just beyond it. In the front car was Alexander, my neighbor’s kid, always trapping Dani’s toys in his web of mischievous torture. I knew an x-ray vision of the scene would expose Dani’s Dumbo in the seat next to him.


If you are new to this blog, or finding this post disjointed from the rest of the challenge I have taken on this month, you may be (understandably) curious about what the heck I am doing here. The explanation of the challenge and the prompt I am using can be found in my theme reveal post. Check it out, and follow the links in that post to visit some other fascinating blogs that have taken on this month’s a to z challenge!


COMMENTS/QUESTIONS:

I welcome all kinds of constructive critique! Please keep in mind this is a first draft, so I’m looking for input as I will be jumping into edits and rewrites as soon as the month is through. If you want to wait until the end of the month to see the whole story before critiquing, that’s fine too.

Does the phrase “x-ray vision of the scene” sit well with you? Should I have just said something like “I knew if I had x-ray vision I would see…”? Or was there some other way of phrasing this that would have made more sense to you?

Constructing a Story from A to Z – W is for Web

W is for web according to ALPHABLOCK and I was really close to bringing in a giant spider into this story, until I realized I was coming too close to the finish line to add any new exciting beasts. Instead I added another character, named after my son, but hopefully nothing like what he will one day become!

In the front car was Alexander, my neighbor’s kid, always trapping Dani’s toys in his web of mischievous torture..

Here’s our story (*under construction*) so far:

I saw an apple to my left and I wondered if Snow White could taste the danger in her fateful bite. The balloons that surrounded the entrance and the table of the carnival did nothing to relieve my feelings of other-worldliness. I carried my tray of cookies to the PTA’s donor table and tried to escape before Mrs. Jameson could spot me.

“No bye-bye dog!” my daughter cried.

“Dog is an elephant, baby,” I said, unable to ignore this teachable moment.Dani was only two years old and still had issues with the animal kingdom – frogs were fish, birds were “eh-planes,” cats were bears, and her beloved Dumbo stuffed animal was, of course, a dog. She let go of my hand and ran, screaming, toward the “garden of fears” assembled by the high school theater group. I felt the heartbeat hammer of panic as she disappeared through crowds of distracted teens. I plowed through after her feeling the cold shock of an ice cream shake bursting out of the its flimsy carnival cup, showering its owner and me. At once I was a frantic juggler palming the straw and lid, paper cup, gobs of chilly chocolate goo, and insincere apologies to the poor girl who I just trashed. A kite came out of the sky onto my head. I smelled the lemonade before it hit me. The moon-pie was the final straw.

I burst free of the crowd – a manic mother bird whose chick had fallen from her nest. I stretched out my mother’s intuition in all directions, like a mystical octopus with tentacles of Dani-sense probing the crowd-sea around me. I reached a clearing , saw a volunteer with an orange vest and a pencil in hand kneeling down beside a sobbing Dani. As I looked at her Snow White shirt with the evil queen clutching the bewitched apple, I wondered why I thought that was an appropriate outfit for my child. I rushed to her side, gathered her in an enormous embrace covering her with the rainbow of rubbish that covered my clothing. I felt icy scissors of rejection when she pulled away crying, “No mommy.” Then, pulling away again, she said, “Dog on train.”

The volunteer bent over helping me keep a hold on her, embarrassingly exposing his underwear and more butt crack than I was comfortable being exposed to. I heard a strange violin tune blare from the carousel to the right and caught a glimpse of the train just beyond it. In the front car was Alexander, my neighbor’s kid, always trapping Dani’s toys in his web of mischievous torture.


If you are new to this blog, or finding this post disjointed from the rest of the challenge I have taken on this month, you may be (understandably) curious about what the heck I am doing here. The explanation of the challenge and the prompt I am using can be found in my theme reveal post. Check it out, and follow the links in that post to visit some other fascinating blogs that have taken on this month’s a to z challenge!


COMMENTS/QUESTIONS:

I welcome all kinds of constructive critique! Please keep in mind this is a first draft, so I’m looking for input as I will be jumping into edits and rewrites as soon as the month is through. If you want to wait until the end of the month to see the whole story before critiquing, that’s fine too.

I so desperately want to reword this sentence RIGHT NOW, but I promised myself I would post this first draft exactly as it was first written. I have a number of thoughts of how this could be worded better, but what is your advice?

Constructing a Story from A to Z – V is for Violin

For the letter V ALPHABLOCK has entered into the world of music with V is for violin. Not sure this is an accurate placement for a violin at a carnival, but here’s what I did:

I heard a strange violin tune blare from the carousel to the right and caught a glimpse of the train just beyond it.

Here’s our story (*under construction*) so far:

I saw an apple to my left and I wondered if Snow White could taste the danger in her fateful bite. The balloons that surrounded the entrance and the table of the carnival did nothing to relieve my feelings of other-worldliness. I carried my tray of cookies to the PTA’s donor table and tried to escape before Mrs. Jameson could spot me.

“No bye-bye dog!” my daughter cried.

“Dog is an elephant, baby,” I said, unable to ignore this teachable moment.Dani was only two years old and still had issues with the animal kingdom – frogs were fish, birds were “eh-planes,” cats were bears, and her beloved Dumbo stuffed animal was, of course, a dog. She let go of my hand and ran, screaming, toward the “garden of fears” assembled by the high school theater group. I felt the heartbeat hammer of panic as she disappeared through crowds of distracted teens. I plowed through after her feeling the cold shock of an ice cream shake bursting out of the its flimsy carnival cup, showering its owner and me. At once I was a frantic juggler palming the straw and lid, paper cup, gobs of chilly chocolate goo, and insincere apologies to the poor girl who I just trashed. A kite came out of the sky onto my head. I smelled the lemonade before it hit me. The moon-pie was the final straw.

I burst free of the crowd – a manic mother bird whose chick had fallen from her nest. I stretched out my mother’s intuition in all directions, like a mystical octopus with tentacles of Dani-sense probing the crowd-sea around me. I reached a clearing , saw a volunteer with an orange vest and a pencil in hand kneeling down beside a sobbing Dani. As I looked at her Snow White shirt with the evil queen clutching the bewitched apple, I wondered why I thought that was an appropriate outfit for my child. I rushed to her side, gathered her in an enormous embrace covering her with the rainbow of rubbish that covered my clothing. I felt icy scissors of rejection when she pulled away crying, “No mommy.” Then, pulling away again, she said, “Dog on train.”

The volunteer bent over helping me keep a hold on her, embarrassingly exposing his underwear and more butt crack than I was comfortable being exposed to. I heard a strange violin tune blare from the carousel to the right and caught a glimpse of the train just beyond it.


If you are new to this blog, or finding this post disjointed from the rest of the challenge I have taken on this month, you may be (understandably) curious about what the heck I am doing here. The explanation of the challenge and the prompt I am using can be found in my theme reveal post. Check it out, and follow the links in that post to visit some other fascinating blogs that have taken on this month’s a to z challenge!


COMMENTS/QUESTIONS:

I welcome all kinds of constructive critique! Please keep in mind this is a first draft, so I’m looking for input as I will be jumping into edits and rewrites as soon as the month is through. If you want to wait until the end of the month to see the whole story before critiquing, that’s fine too.

Do carousels play violin music? I feel like this was a big stretch, but I couldn’t think of another violin sentence to fit into our tale! Any other ideas?

Constructing a Story from A to Z – P is for Pencils

With P we leave the animal kingdom again with  ALPHABLOCK saying P is for pencils. Now that I have passed the half-way point of the the month (and this story) I decided to use this as an opportunity to start directing us toward an ending!

I reached a clearing, saw a volunteer with an orange vest and a pencil in hand, kneeling down beside a sobbing Dani.

Here’s our story (*under construction*) so far:

I saw an apple to my left and I wondered if Snow White could taste the danger in her fateful bite. The balloons that surrounded the entrance and the table of the carnival did nothing to relieve my feelings of other-worldliness. I carried my tray of cookies to the PTA’s donor table and tried to escape before Mrs. Jameson could spot me.

“No bye-bye dog!” my daughter cried.

“Dog is an elephant, baby,” I said, unable to ignore this teachable moment.Dani was only two years old and still had issues with the animal kingdom – frogs were fish, birds were “eh-planes,” cats were bears, and her beloved Dumbo stuffed animal was, of course, a dog. She let go of my hand and ran, screaming, toward the “garden of fears” assembled by the high school theater group. I felt the heartbeat hammer of panic as she disappeared through crowds of distracted teens. I plowed through after her feeling the cold shock of an ice cream shake bursting out of the its flimsy carnival cup, showering its owner and me. At once I was a frantic juggler palming the straw and lid, paper cup, gobs of chilly chocolate goo, and insincere apologies to the poor girl who I just trashed. A kite came out of the sky onto my head. I smelled the lemonade before it hit me. The moon-pie was the final straw.

I burst free of the crowd – a manic mother bird whose chick had fallen from her nest. I stretched out my mother’s intuition in all directions, like a mystical octopus with tentacles of Dani-sense probing the crowd-sea around me. I reached a clearing , saw a volunteer with an orange vest and a pencil in hand kneeling down beside a sobbing Dani.


If you are new to this blog, or finding this post disjointed from the rest of the challenge I have taken on this month, you may be (understandably) curious about what the heck I am doing here. The explanation of the challenge and the prompt I am using can be found in my theme reveal post. Check it out, and follow the links in that post to visit some other fascinating blogs that have taken on this month’s a to z challenge!


COMMENTS/QUESTIONS:

I welcome all kinds of constructive critique! Please keep in mind this is a first draft, so I’m looking for input as I will be jumping into edits and rewrites as soon as the month is through. If you want to wait until the end of the month to see the whole story before critiquing, that’s fine too.

Today’s sentence feels awkward to me. It’s very first-drafty. The punctuation or wording iff for me. HOw would you fix it?

Constructing a Story from A to Z – O is for Octopus

Nothing like the appearance of a nautical creature to help me stretch my imagination! ALPHABLOCK says O is for octopus. Here’s what I did with that prompt:

I stretched out my mother’s intuition in all directions, like a mystical octopus with tentacles of Dani-sense probing the crowd-sea around me.

Here’s our story (*under construction*) so far:

I saw an apple to my left and I wondered if Snow White could taste the danger in her fateful bite. The balloons that surrounded the entrance and the table of the carnival did nothing to relieve my feelings of other-worldliness. I carried my tray of cookies to the PTA’s donor table and tried to escape before Mrs. Jameson could spot me.

“No bye-bye dog!” my daughter cried.

“Dog is an elephant, baby,” I said, unable to ignore this teachable moment.Dani was only two years old and still had issues with the animal kingdom – frogs were fish, birds were “eh-planes,” cats were bears, and her beloved Dumbo stuffed animal was, of course, a dog. She let go of my hand and ran, screaming, toward the “garden of fears” assembled by the high school theater group. I felt the heartbeat hammer of panic as she disappeared through crowds of distracted teens. I plowed through after her feeling the cold shock of an ice cream shake bursting out of the its flimsy carnival cup, showering its owner and me. At once I was a frantic juggler palming the straw and lid, paper cup, gobs of chilly chocolate goo, and insincere apologies to the poor girl who I just trashed. A kite came out of the sky onto my head. I smelled the lemonade before it hit me. The moon-pie was the final straw.

I burst free of the crowd – a manic mother bird whose chick had fallen from her nest. I stretched out my mother’s intuition in all directions like a mystical octopus with tentacles of Dani-sense probing the crowd-sea around me.


If you are new to this blog, or finding this post disjointed from the rest of the challenge I have taken on this month, you may be (understandably) curious about what the heck I am doing here. The explanation of the challenge and the prompt I am using can be found in my theme reveal post. Check it out, and follow the links in that post to visit some other fascinating blogs that have taken on this month’s a to z challenge!


COMMENTS/QUESTIONS:

I welcome all kinds of constructive critique! Please keep in mind this is a first draft, so I’m looking for input as I will be jumping into edits and rewrites as soon as the month is through. If you want to wait until the end of the month to see the whole story before critiquing, that’s fine too.

I felt backed into a corner with the octopus and reached for a another metaphor – is this too much right after the “mother bird” in the previous sentence? If you had to pick one metaphor to stick with – mother bird or mystical octopus – which one would you pick?

Constructing a Story from A to Z – N is for Nest

 

(For those following along: Sorry this post was late a day!)

N is for nest fell right in line with the story of a frantic mom. Thank you,  ALPHABLOCK. It also got my protagonist moving again! Here we go:

I burst free of the crowd – a manic mother bird whose chick had fallen from her nest.

Here’s our story (*under construction*) so far:

I saw an apple to my left and I wondered if Snow White could taste the danger in her fateful bite. The balloons that surrounded the entrance and the table of the carnival did nothing to relieve my feelings of other-worldliness. I carried my tray of cookies to the PTA’s donor table and tried to escape before Mrs. Jameson could spot me.

“No bye-bye dog!” my daughter cried.

“Dog is an elephant, baby,” I said, unable to ignore this teachable moment.Dani was only two years old and still had issues with the animal kingdom – frogs were fish, birds were “eh-planes,” cats were bears, and her beloved Dumbo stuffed animal was, of course, a dog. She let go of my hand and ran, screaming, toward the “garden of fears” assembled by the high school theater group. I felt the heartbeat hammer of panic as she disappeared through crowds of distracted teens. I plowed through after her feeling the cold shock of an ice cream shake bursting out of the its flimsy carnival cup, showering its owner and me. At once I was a frantic juggler palming the straw and lid, paper cup, gobs of chilly chocolate goo, and insincere apologies to the poor girl who I just trashed. A kite came out of the sky onto my head. I smelled the lemonade before it hit me. The moon-pie was the final straw.

I burst free from the crowd – a manic mother bird whose chick had fallen from her nest.


If you are new to this blog, or finding this post disjointed from the rest of the challenge I have taken on this month, you may be (understandably) curious about what the heck I am doing here. The explanation of the challenge and the prompt I am using can be found in my theme reveal post. Check it out, and follow the links in that post to visit some other fascinating blogs that have taken on this month’s a to z challenge!


COMMENTS/QUESTIONS:

I welcome all kinds of constructive critique! Please keep in mind this is a first draft, so I’m looking for input as I will be jumping into edits and rewrites as soon as the month is through. If you want to wait until the end of the month to see the whole story before critiquing, that’s fine too.

Was this sentence too “on the nose”? Is there some other use of “nest” that I missed?

Constructing a Story from A to Z – M is for Moon

M is for moon according to  ALPHABLOCK. That should have been different enough for me to get my protagonist unstuck, but my brain didn’t see it that way. The one good thing is that I have forced my hand – with this sentence something has to happen tomorrow!

The moon-pie was the final straw.

Here’s our story (*under construction*) so far:

I saw an apple to my left and I wondered if Snow White could taste the danger in her fateful bite. The balloons that surrounded the entrance and the table of the carnival did nothing to relieve my feelings of other-worldliness. I carried my tray of cookies to the PTA’s donor table and tried to escape before Mrs. Jameson could spot me.

“No bye-bye dog!” my daughter cried.

“Dog is an elephant, baby,” I said, unable to ignore this teachable moment.Dani was only two years old and still had issues with the animal kingdom – frogs were fish, birds were “eh-planes,” cats were bears, and her beloved Dumbo stuffed animal was, of course, a dog. She let go of my hand and ran, screaming, toward the “garden of fears” assembled by the high school theater group. I felt the heartbeat hammer of panic as she disappeared through crowds of distracted teens. I plowed through after her feeling the cold shock of an ice cream shake bursting out of the its flimsy carnival cup, showering its owner and me. At once I was a frantic juggler palming the straw and lid, paper cup, gobs of chilly chocolate goo, and insincere apologies to the poor girl who I just trashed. A kite came out of the sky onto my head. I smelled the lemonade before it hit me. The moon-pie was the final straw.


If you are new to this blog, or finding this post disjointed from the rest of the challenge I have taken on this month, you may be (understandably) curious about what the heck I am doing here. The explanation of the challenge and the prompt I am using can be found in my theme reveal post. Check it out, and follow the links in that post to visit some other fascinating blogs that have taken on this month’s a to z challenge!


COMMENTS/QUESTIONS:

I welcome all kinds of constructive critique! Please keep in mind this is a first draft, so I’m looking for input as I will be jumping into edits and rewrites as soon as the month is through. If you want to wait until the end of the month to see the whole story before critiquing, that’s fine too.

Let’s be honest here, peeps, was “moon-pie” a cheat? Did I just change my word? Do you think I should have stuck to using “moon,” or should this kind of word flexibility be allowed?

Constructing a Story from A to Z – L is for Lemonade

Construct a story from A to Z! I thought.

It will be fun! I thought.

Use your son’s  ALPHABLOCK book to make it easy on yourself!

These, ladies and gentlemen, turned out to be outrageous lies! I am writing ONE story with TWENTY-SIX separate prompts! So far I have a small child lost in a carnival and a woman that’s turning into a sticky mess making no progress in finding said child. Is this a comedy? A thriller? A dramatic tale of bad parenting gone awry? I. DON’T. KNOW. YET.

And, I’m sorry, but today’s prompt hasn’t brought me much closer to any kind of closure. The prompt did not give me lemons for me L, it went straight to the lemonade, so here comes your next installment to this story:

I smelled the lemonade before it hit me.

Here’s our story (*under construction*) so far:

I saw an apple to my left and I wondered if Snow White could taste the danger in her fateful bite. The balloons that surrounded the entrance and the table of the carnival did nothing to relieve my feelings of other-worldliness. I carried my tray of cookies to the PTA’s donor table and tried to escape before Mrs. Jameson could spot me.

“No bye-bye dog!” my daughter cried.

“Dog is an elephant, baby,” I said, unable to ignore this teachable moment.Dani was only two years old and still had issues with the animal kingdom – frogs were fish, birds were “eh-planes,” cats were bears, and her beloved Dumbo stuffed animal was, of course, a dog. She let go of my hand and ran, screaming, toward the “garden of fears” assembled by the high school theater group. I felt the heartbeat hammer of panic as she disappeared through crowds of distracted teens. I plowed through after her feeling the cold shock of an ice cream shake bursting out of the its flimsy carnival cup, showering its owner and me. At once I was a frantic juggler palming the straw and lid, paper cup, gobs of chilly chocolate goo, and insincere apologies to the poor girl who I just trashed. A kite came out of the sky onto my head. I smelled the lemonade before it hit me.


If you are new to this blog, or finding this post disjointed from the rest of the challenge I have taken on this month, you may be (understandably) curious about what the heck I am doing here. The explanation of the challenge and the prompt I am using can be found in my theme reveal post. Check it out, and follow the links in that post to visit some other fascinating blogs that have taken on this month’s a to z challenge!


COMMENTS/QUESTIONS:

I welcome all kinds of constructive critique! Please keep in mind this is a first draft, so I’m looking for input as I will be jumping into edits and rewrites as soon as the month is through. If you want to wait until the end of the month to see the whole story before critiquing, that’s fine too.

We are almost at the halfway point of the story (tomorrow is sentence 13 out of 26). Do you think it is right for me to feel slightly freaked out that the protagonist has gotten stuck in this crowd without any forward momentum?